THE LAST AMERICAN CAVEMAN

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CAVEMAN??

Several weeks ago, our Caveman went missing. He isn't just any Caveman, He is The Last American Caveman, a national treasure to be sure. 

At first we  thought he was off again, searching for Mammoths, with spear and knife,  exploring new lands, or just sleeping it off in the back of one of his many caves.  Then we heard disquieting rumors of Government Granted Scientists wanting to dissect The Caveman's brains for various nefarious reasons, but mainly because he is The Last American Caveman, a free thinker, and smarter than the average Modern Man.  Could it be he is being held in a basement laboratory of the Congress!!??

We began our research for the Search and Rescue.  We found many interesting things about The Caveman, his likes, dislikes, some of his history.  We first list our findings to help you, Friends of The Caveman, to look for him too.

Everyone knows the Caveman was special from early childhood, we just did not know how special and unique.  He was raised on the grains of the field, although in a liquid form. 

The Caveman always seemed to have "attitude" and had

well thought out and formed opinions.We were astounded to find out The Caveman mastered American Sign Language, and could form complete sentences at an exceptionally young age!

He obviously was more advanced than his peers, being able to feed himself much early than others his age.  It is said that it took him longer to walk than most children of the same age, but then he could open bottles with his feet.  He still can, they say,leaving his hands free for his World Famous Caveman Barbecue.

 

His childhood his pets were not what most children had.  Of course most children do not go out for days and nights to track, trap and train their own pets.

 

His early pubescence showed interests that would stay with him the rest of his life, developing into an uncanny ability to find true north by the noon day sun shining through beer froth, and know breast sizes, miles away, sight unseen, by the sound of lace sliding against flesh.  Rumor has it that he could also tell silicon from saline by sound, though unsubstantiated reports says it did not matter to him in the least.

We found past girlfriends. They were not much help though,  When we asked them if they knew where The Caveman was, or if they had heard from him recently, each and everyone of them, with glazed eyes and a smile only could say: "Ohhhhhhhh Cavey!!!!"  

 He likes strong women. 

                                            He likes working women

 

 

He likes outdoor women.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

        He likes women who have balance.              

 

                                                He likes women who can multi-task.

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                 He likes women who know how to party.

 

 

 

He especially likes talented women.

 

 

 

We even discovered his favorite games.  A traditional mating ritual that some say The Caveman himself brought back from the wild pubs of Scotland.

 

 

We now have enough facts to begin our search.  Later this week, In Search Of The Last American Caveman.